I thought we were in love..

Did I love too much?
When I whispered “I Love You” in your ear?
When I said “Ill always be here”?
When I held you and chased away your fear?
Was it a lie?
When you said without me, you would die?
Or that our love was bigger than the sky?
Or that you loved me..with a little sigh..
Your my everything, you are my all,
Ill be there if you ever fall.
Your all my thoughts and all my dreams..
But youll never love me, so it seems.
Youll never know how much I love you.
If your still reading, its all true..
Ive searched for you for all my days,
and stayed despite your hurtful ways..
Now you leave me, and forget..
Everything since the day we met.
We kissed.
We luaghed.
We loved.
We hugged.
We cuddled.
You talked.
I listened.
I talked.
You listened.
I fell in love..
You fell in love..

And now I cry..may soon die.

Life Of A Salesman.

Sometimes I close my eyes..
but I wont open them,
everythings so different from when,
I’d play and scrape my shins,
to be a kid again…

At others the rain would call..
We’d sleep outside during fall,
the stars were our only light,
we’ll alway have that breezy night,
I wish we didnt fight…

And i try, but im too shy..
My eyes arent opening,
im too busy imagining,
When I was kid again,
Where has my goldfish been..
I barely remember him..

For all these uncertain years,
We’ll both just come to tears,
and the last thing she hears,
“You”ll find a better man,
just how you imagined him..”

To be that unhurt kid again..

And now I’ve opened an eye,
to the truth of this strange sky,
It does its best to lie,
as the clock ticks to when I’ll die..

and now the other eye..
The price was much too high,
now that I’ve seen my life,
will be so full of strife..

The tears and feelings come too fast..
I’d never leave you in my past,
You were the end, now lets begin,
Back when we can be kids again..

 

I’d Give everything to have it again..granted though I have nothing at present but pain.

I cleaned out all my comments in an effort to rid myself of some people that cuased me painful memories.Sorry honest-caring-commenters…re-comment away!

Everyone Knows Everyone..

Its wierd.

I have a potentially fatal kidney Illness. At the time of my diagnosis, I “Had 18 months”..It now being 3 years they were wrong obviously.

But is that a good thing? Did death simply not come for me? Did he forget?

My faith in modern medicine is gone. Seriously. First I “have 18 months”..then I dont die. Then they put me on this shit, doesnt even do anything. Freakin sugar-pill prescribing homos.

My faith in people is gone. Completely. I “broke” the news to a lot of people that I didnt have long to live. What did everyone say? “Sorry”…? No, Not “Sorry, your an amazing person, losing you will hurt me deeply”

My faith in Love is gone. My heart is dead. See Other blogs. You cant have faith in Love, what can you have faith in?

 

Looking back at this one, it doesnt seem so bad really. At the time I was only concerned with things I hadnt done. I’ve truly loved someone.That was my only goal before death. Dying doesnt scare me anymore, as I’m leaving no-one behind that cares, or anything I really treasure.

I wonder If I’ll have a casket or if they’ll just drop me in the hole?

Backyard BBQ Jam- EXPN West

Saw a skate demo at EXPN West.

Talked to Howard Keirn. Main Etnies Sponsor in OC.

Showed him a move or 20. told me theres a place where everyone sends thier “sponsor me!” vids for thier co.

Then he told me where people HE’S interested in send thiers.Which he gave to me.As I gave him my email myspace and phone number. I figured he wouldnt care and he sees better all the time.I was wrong apparently, after I got into my Nollie and Heel Combos he asked for my best move.

A Texas Hand-plant Flatground Handflip out sold the good ol’ boy to my skills.

Maybe I’ll be Pro After all..